greyham (greyham) wrote,

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Mind Games . . .as played by T.W.A.T.S

Top ten "Mind Games" as played by "Steve Wickens/ Nic Lempriere/Jon Morris types"

10. Flirt outrageously with girl and then the next day after giving the girl enough time to stew, get off with girls less attractive best friend and pretend to have no idea why girl is upset.The say to each that you really fancy them more than the other. Then make situation where the both confront you. Pretend you don't fancy either of them, then pretend to get really upset and mention to a friend of both these girls that you have "relationship issues" relating to your parent's "divorce". This will make them both fancy you, even though you will always go for the prettiest one.

9. Walk girl home after party, making witty and intelligent conversation with much body contact and then run off unexpectantly, thus making girl worry all night and make girl think you are a bit "crazy" and thus "interesting", even though you are not. Pretend next day not to remember a thing because the alcohol had reacted with your "antidepressants / sedatives". Girl will now fancy you, but you might need to do this again, but this time run ahead of her and end up at her doorstep, pretending to be confused.

8. Make up some story that you saw your dad hit/kick your Mum when you were five years old and that has made you "all fucked up". Then pretend that you don't want to talk about it, all the while milking the girl for sympathy. Then get girl drunk, talk about it, and then go "crazy" (smash up barbeque etc . . etc . ) This always works, but better if you do it repeatedly.

7. Invite girl into room and then leave to make tea/coffee/bovril. Leave fake "suicide" note to parents and friends in obviously promenant place for girl to read. Suddenly burst into bedroom and catch girl reading note. Pretend to go mental and throw girl out. Wait about 2-3 days while girl has full impact of guilt trip, ignore attemps by her to contact you. Explain that you wrote the letter because you when you were "all mess-up" after paretns divorce/death of Gran/schitzophrenic episode. Make girl watch "One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest" at her house and then pretend to fall asleep. Go up to girls bedroom at about 3am and pretend again to fall asleep next to her. By 5am she will be yours.

6. Pretend that you have taken some new drug called "amphetriptaphine" and pretend to stare at a wall for about an hour, randomly touching the surface with finger tips whilst worried girls crowd round and make the inevitable fuss, thus deeming you "special", and the centre of attention. Milk it the day after by pretending that you were "in the Matrix/ spoke to Christ/ saw god". Make gullible girls believe you. The go missing for about 3 days, making sure that everyone knows you are missing and is worried about you, even though you are only camping in Herm. then call up girl and ask her to come and pick you up at the faerie circle where you have been "staying in the bunker" for the last few days. Ask girl if you can stay at her house for few days as you do not want to worry your "schitzophrenic mum/dad etc . .etc . .". The girl will be yours by the second day.

5. Try to set up girl with one of your mates, even though you know from her friends that she doesn't fancy him, but quite likes you, but doesn't know you. Try to get mate and girl together, whilst letting it slip to girls best gossip friend that you feel REALLY guilty about fancying girl because your mate fancies her. When girl knows that you are interested, do not talk to her for about 3 days, but keep looking at her furtively. She will be yours when you get her alone with a bottle of low-grade schnapps.

4. Randomly contact girl who you barely know, suggest meet on beach/park at 12.30 on Sunday. Don't turn up, and then turn up at her bedroom window at about 3o'clock in the morning about a week later, wet to the skin, pretending that you want a "talk". Instead of talking sit on her bed, mumbling once in a while, get slightly annoyed at ex-girlfriend, and then pretend to fall asleep on bed. Wake up at 5am, stand at the window and pretend to talk about how "wonderful" the morning is whilst almost naked. She will be yours after this is attempted again.

3. When at beach party with group of friends. Firstly phone parent(s) to tell them that you are sleeping at friends house. then when party gets to about 1am, talk to desired girl about wanting to "talk", go for walk along beach, not saying much and maybe pretend to weep a little. Then run off crying loudly. Girl will instigate search and group of friends will worry unnecessarily until about 4am when someone will call parents who say that son is at friends house. You will be at friends house "asleep" on porch/in bush pretending to have no knowledge at all of events. About 3 girls will now fancy you, take your pick.

2. When going out with girl, go off for walk with girls best friend and pretend to have "big talk". Tell girls best friend a "secret" i.e that you once were touched up by your uncle etc. . etc. Make best friend promise not to tell girlfriend, do stupid "curse" thing or make "blood pact". Girlfriend will then ask what yopu were talking to best friend about. Tell girlfriend that you ahd to tell her best friend a "secret" that you cannot ever tell her (even though you probably have). This will make your girlfriend fancy you more, but also make her best mate and probably 4 other friends fancy you as well.

1. At a party, preferably outdoors, try your hardest to get off with that minger thats always fancied you. When succeeded parade her around with you infront of desired bunch of girls saying that you and her are "going out". Girls will talk about you "going beneath your standards". Then slightly chat up one of the girls saying that you have always wanted her instead of the girl you are with. Then repeat throughout the evening with amount of desired girls. Then, in front of girls dump girlfriend saying that there is another girl here that you are in love with, and that you can't go out with her anymore because you "don't want to hurt her". Dumped girl will then want to discover who mystery girl is. All girls will then say it is them separately. This is a long shot, but with enough practice, it should get about 5-6 girls interested in you.

Alternatively, you could just be a 18 year old college boy who knows just enough Proust and Satre to impress young women who should know better . .

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